Achilles Heels

Today's lesson: how to keep my balance standing as I rode the El in heels. I had to go downtown to meet with a temp agency this morning and managed to make it alive without face-planting or rolling an ankle. For those of you who know me, you can appreciate what a feat that was. I felt empowered dressed in my suit, heels and string of pearls as I walked the sidewalk among the other "suits" who work in the financial district of the city. However, as the blisters started to form and I could feel my skirt leaving circulation lines across my stomach, I was reminded of everything I hate about the corporate world and why I left it in the first place. I abandoned the desk job in hopes of learning new skills that will catapult me into the journalism world and a job where I get more exercise than walking up and down the stairs to the vending machine or to the coffee shop down the street to prevent me from crashing on my keyboard.

Last night was my first night of class as a graduate student. And I have never been more scared of school in my life. This class--one of three I am taking this quarter--is called "Backpack Reporting" and trains the student on how to be the "one-person band." These days, reporters have to know how to communicate through all different forms of media and need to have the skills to tell their stories quickly and efficiently via TV, internet, radio and newspaper. This class requires three major media packaging projects in which we have to come up with a story idea and not only write it as a newspaper article but as a website entry and as a radio broadcast and as a television news piece. This means I have to physically shoot all of my own video, do a stand up piece as a reporter and the like, as well as edit my own video together into a comprehensive and professional news package. This is not a team project, it is all done individually!

Now, the reason I am so scared of these projects is because I have a paralyzing fear of public speaking and presenting. My high school journalism teacher once told me that if I wanted to become a reporter I needed to change my voice. for some reason it wasn't a good voice in his opinion and from that moment, I have been self-conscious of my voice and convinced I'd be better behind-the-scenes as a writer.

This class is exactly why I decided to go back to school. I knew I needed to face and conquer fears like not being assertive enough to go out and get interviews, or brave enough to appear on camera or speak on the radio. I also knew I needed to develop socially and grow up as a person to become a better journalist and there were a few things standing in my way. I was confident J school could help me overcome these obstacles. I just didn't think I would have to face all of them, all at once, in my first class! Maybe it's easier to jump all in, just like into a cold swimming pool.

I spent the night stewing over the project and pondering what I would bring to class next week-- one of our assignments is that we have to have an outline of our first project ready to present on Wednesday. I decided that I need to view this class as I did moving to Chicago: it's a scary step, but as I am finding out every day, it is also very much worth the risk. I became so optimistic that in the middle of the night I woke up and jot down a whole slew of ideas I could use for the project! I then excited myself to the point where it took hours to fall asleep because my mind was churning over the potential b-roll shots I could capture and interviews I could conduct to tell each story. What was I so afraid of before? Hard work? Talking to strangers? I've done these things before. Now I just have to take it to another level.

I plan on focusing on sports for my first project, so it's only fitting to adopt the mindset of an athlete. I've been called up. I'm in the big leagues now. And I can't wait to get my first hit. I just hope I don't have to wear heels while doing it.